Lighthouse Philosophies by an Anonymous Sweetheart

Born in Sierra Leone, A.B. immigrated with his family to America as a child. His patience and understanding of life greatly contrasts with his age. Boys in their mid-teens don’t normally have a heightened awareness of the world around them and develop a lifestyle to maintain a focused mind. Curious to know the details behind his philosophies, it was a frigid Sunday afternoon when I dwelled into what his meaning of life was over midday lunch. 

In a deep, steady voice that resembles a gentle thunder, he answered that it is, "Finding happiness. Living everyday like it's your last, pretty much. I'm not saying go crazy and do things you wouldn't normally do, but like make sure at the end of each day that you’re satisfied with how you lived your life.” The pursuit of happiness seems to be a common theme in how people live their days. What they might not realize is that by doing what you need and want to do, in that completion, someone will get a satisfaction that brings them their desired bliss.

A.B. currently attends a private catholic high school out in a suburban land. He dedicates a majority of his time to football. Despite his athleticism, there’s another side to A.B.’s mind that not many people know about, especially his own teammates. A.B. has a maturity and self discipline that is revealed the more you interact with him. We’ve been close for a couple years now, and I am still intrigued to know how he processes the world around him.

He values his mental, physical, and spiritual health. In taking care of his mind he partakes in meditation to, “make sure I get to know myself more everyday.”

Spiritually, A.B. does have a religious life in Christianity that has changed in tone as he grew up: “As a kid it was a lot easier to follow; this is right, this is wrong, you listen to me ‘cause I said so… as you grow up it’s like, I don’t know, your faith starts to stagger.”

So I asked him to elaborate on God’s role in his life now as a teenager.

He said, “You gotta find that sign, like you know, wow, God is real. Once in a while, you just need to be reminded. I’ll pray before every test, its always worked for me so I never questioned it… But after you stop going so much [to church] it’s just like damn, you actually see the world for what it is, it’s kinda sad.”

I had always admired A.B.’s optimistic thinking, but I know that it is inevitable to acknowledge how dark the world is. It made me wonder how within his routine in high school, did he ease any cynicism or feelings of inability to help solve the problems we see today.

“As a younger person, I’ve always worried about the bigger picture, like, I need to save the world, or I need to make this massive change. When I grew up, I kinda find out how hard that was, I started caring more about the people around me more than the bigger picture. I feel like I’m trying to make that up now, like, helping my mom out, giving her money when she needs it, buying her things. I don’t know, I feel like I put that change in the world on the back burner. Fix the problems we have now instead of worrying about other people so much. Live in the present, yeah.”

In an alternate perspective, some people make it a life-long goal to expose or relieve the areas of suffering in the world that people ignore or don’t know about. But it’s understandable that worrying about the bigger picture can be emotionally burdening especially in a state of powerlessness most of us can relate in feeling. When living in the present, life can still become tiring with its repetitive numbing routines so I asked him to explain if he felt that way about school and sports.

“With playing sports and with playing football, you kind focus on this little cubical, this what you gotta do, get done, that’s all that matters right now. And its like as you take a break, step back, you’re like, there’s more to life than playing sports or going to school, you’re stuck in this bubble, where you think this is all that matters. And myself, I’m stuck in this bubble, really. As I’m in it I don’t really realize it, but after a long day of school, I'm like wow, all these hours I’ve been spending just playing football, all these hours I've been spending learning or whatever, can be used to like, better the world, or better myself, better the neighborhood.”

I wanted to dig deeper. When someone goes about their days, they are always speaking to themselves in their mind. Alongside gaining insight from the outside, who was it that A.B. saw in himself that allowed a serene attitude? What version of himself, did he see in his mind? It could be completely different from how other people perceive him, possibly myself. His answer didn't surprise me, rather, it spoke truth, and it got be thinking about how independent people are from each other even though there are billions of us on Earth. 

The version of himself he saw was, “The person who’s achieved the most tranquility. In my head, I’m not happy with the state I am in, But I'm also not sad, so it’s not like I'm trying to get out of the situation, I take life as what it is, man. Realizing that people don’t really care. If things happen to you, people got their own issues. You solve that issue by yourself, come back when you’re done. I mean, It’s kinda messed up when you really think about it, but, once you really accept the world for what it is, things stop getting to you.”

This reminded me of the fictional character, Uatu, also known as The Watcher, from Marvel Comics. Their sole duty is to observe and chronicle, cursed with the inability to participate, even at the point of an apocalypse. The Watcher isn't an accurate description of A.B.'s words but it is an example of acceptance, an example of commitment to what is. Everyone has their own route to inner peace. But does this mean you live your life to the fullest?

"No. I don’t think I have... I feel like there’s too many distractions, you know. I don’t know if it’s purposely done but, especially america now, we’re such a distracted group of people, we have the power to do so much, we just don’t. It’s 'depressing', and sad. People don't wanna get out of their comfort zone, they just wanna be happy all the time, at the cost of other people’s happiness. We’re kinda messed up for that.”

It was his conclusion that settled it,  "After you get past at what could happen in the future and just live in the present then, life isn’t that bad. It’s not that bad.” There was a moment of silence after he finished his sentence, and I sat in reflection, watching him gaze at the grey sky out the window beside us.

Something about A.B. that I wanted to understand more was his connection to lighthouses. He's drawn to them, so I wondered aloud why they resonated with him so much. He grinned and replied,

“Lighthouses… as a kid in my mind, I always viewed myself in a lighthouse somewhere. The mystery of lighthouses; just so cool. They guide people when they need it the most. I feel like I have a spiritual connection to them, I never really questioned it, kind of just accepted it. The joy that lighthouses bring to sailors at sea; they can see their families again.”

On a final note, there was a way A.B. described life that I fell in love with:

“An unfinished painting. It’s just made of sound. A painting. No paint no visuals, all sound. You see how it's almost impossible to imagine that? That's kinda what life is like.”

Beach Lighthouse at Dusk, PKA. (2019)

This picture was taken by me of A.B. at the lake shoreline on the rocks in Uptown, Chicago. It was early evening, and the sun was setting quickly. 

Although a low aperture was used for this photograph, you can still see distinguished colors of the skyline. The shutter speed is somewhat low so there is a little bit of fuzziness, but mostly because the focus is on the background. The skyline is defined, as well as the settle waves. You can see the outline of the light house in the distance as well.

The subject is at the far left, the horizon on the lower line of the third row. The darkness entering is on the far right side, the light is off center, diagonal to the lighthouse towards the bottom left corner, creating a diagonal sweep of the eye. The brightness is a little low, but it reveals the fading colors on the horizon. The side of his face portrays his off distance gaze, you can see the outline of his eyelashes and lips at the angle. The little light also shows the texture of the waves and how calm the water is. The faded darkness on the right side is like a fuzzy silhouette in itself, matching the dark of his silhouette but defined. The stillness of reflection, meditative tranquility on the waters, and the mysteriousness of the lighthouse, the clear dots of light that are still present and bright in growing darkness; the resilience behind acceptance and a serene mind.